Bid Night

Theta Chi is technically a dry frat. Technically.

I've heard many things about bid night. Even people who don't rush or don't pledge, say that bid night is one of the best nights of the year. And pledges get the VIP treatment.

During second invites, I talked to one of the guys about bid night and he said "Lemme tell you this: you're not going to remember anything after the showers."

What? Showers?! Hmmm...

Today, when they told us to come by, they told us to make sure we brought a change of clothes and a towel. I guess that's better than a banana and a bottle of lotion...

Should be an interesting night.

"Thetachi"

Xi Chapter
of
Theta Chi Fraternity
formally extends
Rodell Tolliver
a bid to become a
member of our
Brotherhood


"You ready"
"Lemme put a shirt on"
Mackenzie half pushes/half carries me to the front door and tells me to wait on the steps in the foyer. There's a dull roar outside, much like the sound of a train in the distance. As Mackenzie cracks the door open, the roar turns into a chant. He shuts the door again quickly.
"Alright, just run out there."
I wipe the sleep out of my eyes, take 1-3 deep breaths and charge the door.

Sunlight hits my face, filtered through the leafless trees. A cool breeze ruffles my t-shirt, lifting it from my body. Shadows dance like lilliputian gypsies on...


the face of the guy that's about to rock me.
I get pushed into a mosh put of dudes in blazers chanting my name. After about ten seconds of typical guy roughhousing, they lift me up and throw me in the air three times. I got air, because yes, I am in fact a champion..

After they set me down, the circle widened a bit.
Michael starts.

"The Xi chapter of blah-blah-blah extends blah-blah-blah bend over (what?!) blah-blah-blah. You have two choices."

"ONE CHOICE" the brothers all yell in unison, reminding me there is in fact a correct answer to the question.

"You can choose to come to the house tonight at 7 and accept our bid, or you can accept here on the spot."

Well, I already know my decision. No point in wasting time.

Theta Chi till I die, baby.

Everything is better with a visual aid...

Some notes...

-This is a legitimate graph.
-Yes, I have a balks up. I'd be crazy not to.
-Apparently, Regina Spektor is a lesbian. Fuck that.
-Marrying some random person you don't know is a horrible idea. Why is that even an option?
-By "projected success", I mean a combination of how likely it is to happen and how happy it would make me. However, the equations and algorithms I used to deduce the particular combination are way too complex for common folk (such as yourself) to understand. I recommend picking which ever one makes you happier and sticking to that.
-This graph isn't just for the people mentioned in the graph. Also, if you haven't been included in this graph, maybe you should think about how to do a better job next time. Just saying.

Spooky

Drawing up innocent pictures of longed after loved ones
When everyone's gone you'll pretend that you're with me
Preparing yourself for what none can prepare for
You, you gave me everything
Giving up anything, keeping us moving
And if my heart's companion is longing for someone, keep beating
Never stop moving
Unspeakable beauty
Your skin gleams like marble
Your character flaws are my character's treasures
When everyone's gone, I pretend that I'm with you
Don't change your character flaws; don't change
You, you gave me everything
Giving up anything, keeping us moving
And if my hearts companion is longing for someone, keep beating
Never stop moving

Thanks, Tragedy Letters...

With

I wanna go star watching with her some time . Not star gazing; gazing requires attention that I most definitely will not have in her presence. But star watching would be nice. So would a long car ride. Preferably within the legal speed range... But I'm not too picky.

There are a couple conversations I want to have and a couple movies I want to watch. There are also a couple minutes of time I just want to spend around her. No talking. Just presence.

I guess the key word is "with".

Hmm.

My Experiment

So if you read one of my first posts, I talked about blogging and how weird a phenomena it was. Why do people want to broadcast personal thoughts to billions of strangers over the internet? Is it comforting to know that someone out there may possibly identify with you? I don't know.

So I tried it out. Today in psych, our professor asked us to write whether we were male or female and then a ridiculous thought that surprised us. It was anonymous, so anything was fair game. I wrote my personal thought, folded my paper, and handed it to the right (my own, collegiate "puff, puff, pass").

As the professor read mine aloud, I anticipated a wave of...something. Maybe relief. Maybe anxiety. Maybe a mixture of both.

But I didn't expect apathy. Which is exactly what happened. Cool, he read it aloud. Didn't tell anybody anything, didn't change anything, so I didn't care. Which makes sense; I should have known that all along. Telling strangers secrets isn't therapeutic, at least not for me. Especially when you don't get any feedbalks from said strangers.

So I guess this blog isn't an attempt to reach out to random kindred souls, but is just another way to share with your friends. To communicate in a new, unique, scene way.

Worth it? We'll see.

AOL sucks

Balks a couple years ago, AOL accidentally released about 3 months of search logs from their AOL Search Engine users. They're all over the internet now and people have taken the liberty of sorting through them for the best. If you're in for a good laugh or to be disgusted with the human race, click here.


See if you can guess my favorite.

Hint: I've always wanted X-ray vision.

Blogging

All the cool people are doing it. Where are you at?

Aggressively we all defend the role we play
Regrettably time’s come to send you on your way
We’ve seen it all
bonfires of trust
flash floods of pain

It doesn’t really matter don’t you worry it’ll all work out
No it doesn’t even matter don’t you worry what it’s all about

We hope you enjoyed your stay
It’s good to have you with us, even if it’s just for the day
We hope you enjoyed your stay
Outside the sun is shining, seems like heaven ain’t far away
It’s good to have you with us
Even if it’s just for the day

Outside the sun is shining, seems like heaven ain’t far away

Songs rarely make me feel better. But this song makes me feel and sometimes that's all it takes. But then again, we probably have nothing in common...

Rush

This was an old draft that i'm just now posting. I had reasons for not posting this, but I've ceased to care about them.

So the past weeks many events are starting to run together. I figured I would try to write them down before I forget everything.

Starting 1/15.

Thursday- go to open houses at sigma chi, sigma pi, sammies (sigma alpha mu), and theta chi. Whack attack at sigma chi. One really cool dude and a bunch of mediocre guys at sigma pi. Sammies was alright and theta chi "took care of us" which is all we're really looking for at this point in the night. I end the night happy.

Friday- screw frats, I'm gonna celebrate MLK day right at the I Have A Dream party at Oakhurst. I end the night happy.

Saturday- stop by sigma pi and say "hey" to Hunter, the only cool guy I know there at this point. Meet Paul, who is also decent. Leave for theta chi, but tell them we'll come balks before we head home. Got to theta chi and end up sooo happy. I always have had a really good time at theta chi and they have yet to disappoint. Then we go balks to sigma pi, but it's awkward and not as fun as theta chi (so i'm told). I end the night happy. So happy that I don't remember any of the second trip to sigma pi nor do I remember sharing a bed with black Brenden when we got balks... I woke balks in my own bed though.

Sunday- Wake balks still kinda happy. Guys from theta chi and sigma pi come drop of their 1st invites and sammies slips theirs under the door. Cool. We miss the sigma pi pig roast b/c we're watching football, but we get to the Oktoberfest at theta chi around 6. I believe in trying new things, including keg stands... Girls show up and it turns into an actual party instead of a bunch of guys standing around flirting with each other. I end the night happy.

Monday- today is a "no-contact" day. Frats aren't allowed to official rush, but most dirty rush anyhow. I get a call about a party at one of the theta chi brothers houses. Jagabombs and Matt don't want to go so I call Anna. We show up at Ben's house early and hang out for awhile. They have an awesome pong table with a design made of different colored shotgun shells. Jagabomns and crew end up coming anyhow. I end the night happy.

Tuesday- Stop by sigma pi to make an appearance before we head to theta chi for... BROOMBALL! Broomball is like hockey only with sticks and mini soccer balls and no friction. They get us nice and happy before we head to the ice rink. We all bust our asses, but I end the night happy.

Wednesday- Stop by ATO b/c Matt said we should. We're there long enough for me to hit 4 cups 3 games in a row. We leave for fried chicken and 40s at theta chi. Need I say more? I'm happy by 7. We hang out there until 8 at which point we left for sigma pi to get ready for dodgeball on ice. Just as champion as it sounds. I end the night happy. Mind you, this is my 7th day in a row ending the night happy. Oh, rush. How you corrupt me from my innocent ways...

Thursday- No contact day. I turn down dinner with guys from theta chi to watch Lost with Oakhurst. Lost fucks my brain. I take a break from drinking.

Friday- I got 2nd invites from theta chi, sigma pi and ATO. Screw sigma pi. All their invites are whack. Theta chi has a keg kill. My team wins. Turns into a party.
I drink hard and early for the keg kill and then stop. This makes for a very mellow Rodell. I go home and turn from mellow Rodell to very sad Rodell. Rocket Summer makes it worst. Fuck you, Bryce.

Saturday- :)

Sunday- I go to a gun range with ATO. I'm against the glorification of weapons and violence, but that SHIT IS BADASS. I shot a frickin' 12 gauge pump shotgun. Thug life!

I got third invites from theta chi tonight and I'll probably get ATO invites tomorrow. Screw ATO, I like the theta chi brothers much more. We'll see how the rest of things go, but everything from here on is much more grounded and less party all the time. Which is a good thing b/c I have stuff to do.

There's more stuff I wanna write about, but I don't have time. I've got to wake balks soon.

Acknowledgements

I'd like to thank Kyle for making Saturday possible.

I'd like to thank Tod Tod for talks about life, spooning on the air mattress, and making everything that much more fun.

I'd like to thank Sarah for being sooo friendly. Oh, and the apple pie. I'm still not over that.

I'd like to thank Chris for his "baby in the blender" joke and I'd like to thank Sally for...making us laugh...

I'd like to thank Erik for being a beautiful Swede, for having an apartment (and a comfortable bed), and being as accommodating as he was. You turned potential disasters into complete successes.

I'd also like to thank Phillip for sorta kinda being there.

Finally, I'd like to thank Lance and Tod Tod for being dweeby with me at 2:30 in the morning and making sure that no cops came to arrest me balks for being a creeper.

Favorite quotes
-"I'm glad I brought my flask."

- Kyle: "You didn't tell me she was magical!"
Molly: "You didn't?"
Me: "No, I did. Twice. He just doesn't fuckin listen."

- "Phillip!"

-"So...which one is her window..."

-"I'm in high school and I'm older than him!"

-"So I'm in this dead guys' room hooking up with her when she stops and tells me 'I'm in high school'. Oops."


All in all, the night was great success.

duh...

Wow. It's actually quite simple.

You see, it's all about density. The polar bears roll deep and are all posted up doing their own thing, but THEY'RE REALLY CLOSE...

The penguins are already forming little clusters of penguin awesomeness so even though there's more blank space, nobody will mistake their intent to party.

The killer whales though.... the killer whales slipped up. There's way too much empty space, they're borderline anti-social. Polar bears and penguins have tried hard and made considerable progress on the killer whales, but the killer whales have problems they need to deal with on their own.

Or maybe with some outside help. A consultant if you will.


This has been another display of "late night" ingenuity.

Please, no autographs.

Helena (sp?)

Have you ever listened to a song and realized that the lyrics make significantly more sense than they did a week ago... Nickel Creek did that to me today.

"Helena"

Helena, don't walk away
Before you give me back my heart
If it were mine, it would be yours to take
I'm sorry I let down my guard, oh Helena

You looked so sweet
I should have seen
While I was playing for fun
You were playing for keeps

You win, I lose, is there some way
You can leave me in your debt
So my girl and I can live to die another day
On that day I won't forget you, Helena

You look so sweet waiting for me
While I wait for her to give me any reason to leave
Don't waste your pretty sympathy
She's gonna be just fine

And Helena, so will we
So will everything in time, mmm

Helena, don't walk away
Did you hear one word I said
Oh well, I never really liked her anyway
And I forgot her, I'll forget you, Helena

You're not that sweet
And neither is she
Go ahead and tell her anything you want,
'cause, Helena, guys like me never sleep alone at night
I don't need your sympathy
'cause I'll always be just fine

Yeah, I'll always be just fine


wow

the best days

the best days are often the simplest ones,
i've found.
when the mundane and the irrelevant gain
depth and validity for no particular reason,
and the expectations you
never really had are exceeded exponentially.
on the best days, you never lose yourself
in the humdrum necessities of our
insignificant activities, but instead
can find yourself in the
subtle complexities that underlie our existence.
the best days rekindle relationships and
corrode malcontent; the best days
are the days you love, because its easiest to love
on the best days.
the best days come only often enough to
remind us of their beauty and to
refresh our souls,
brief in duration
but infinite in gratification.
today was one of the best days.

-Parker Miles


I took the liberty of editing the poem a bit. Not for grammar or anything, I just simply didn't like parts of it and decided to cut them.

Pretentious? Maybe, but this is my blog and I don't care.

the original can be found here

Props to Parker for an amazing poem.

Little aside, not the stereotypical poet. He sums it up quite simply on his facebook.

i've come to the realization that most people will assume things about me given any set of parameters. this realization has made me bitter, and it has emboldened me to never be confined by any label conceivable.that being said, there are 3 people that i know that KNOW me. do you want to be the fourth?

Or more simply put:

salutations my niggas; i'm aware that i'm different

Waiting sucks.

It might be the most difficult thing humans will ever have to do.

Ever.

Perception and Expectation

Perception isn't everything, but perception and expectation together?

I've been shocked at people who've been impressed by the most inane shit I've ever uttered. I'm convinced that we decide what people mean before they even say it. It's probably some brain-energy-saving technique employed by our ol' thinkers to minimize the amount of time/energy spent on thinking about particular things, but that doesn't make it any less scary. Because it's just a reminder of how everything is based completely on perception. We could all be so wrong about everything, and since everything is taken through our individual perspective, there's no way to know what's real or not.

Because "real" is a relative term. And that's a scary thought.

Do we need "real" things, constants, to function properly? Probably. But that's ok, b/c there can be relative constants. For instance: belief. If you believe you believe something, than by definition it's constant. The inherent meaning of the word belief is the only justification you need. Which of course gets into the philosophy of language. How can we share pure ideas with words adulterated with connotations made up by people who never experienced your experiences.

All the random thoughts above stem from my being fed up with words. Or people. But I think it's a combination of failure between the two. Lemme 'splain:

Words have a spectrum of meaning. You can move along the spectrum with various tones and inflections (i.e. sarcasm, anger, boredom, etc.). But the length of the spectrum is determined by its definition, or more acutely, how and how often it's used by people. If you don't stick to the spectrum, then people won't understand you, eliminating the point of trying to communicate. but the word spectrums are generally smaller than I've needed them to be lately.

I guess that's a complicated way of saying that people keep using words disingenuously that i wanna use to convey "real" meaning.

I wanna go balks home for a little bit longer. And I wanna take the right words with me.

I'm done ranting (rambling, more like it) at 4 in the morning, but are some things that I wanna talk about above. If you even read this.

Bedtime.