Nothing personal...

When the love of others penetrates the shell, cracks the oh-so proverbial egg…that is when you will finally feel…and it will be terrifying. It will be painful and you will feel despair like you never have before and you will immediately regret every decision you ever made, every pitiful breath you took. There will be darkness. There WILL be darkness. But when the light returns you will come to understand it was all worth it. You won't see the light, you'll feel it. Its warmth will spill over you, embrace you, the warmth of coffee in the morning, sand between the toes, a kiss…you'll laugh…oh, laughter…and you'll forget the darkness, forget it until it comes back, hurting twice as bad as you remember, impossible to prepare for. They'll tell you it's imagined, to get over it. And in the light it is imagined. But darkness is the realm of imagination. As any four year old will tell you, in the dark fantasy is realer than reality …So they will be worthless to you. You'll question everything. "Is it worth it?" And yeah, of course it is, but you'll probably forget that. Who could blame you? But before you retreat back to your shell, your pathetic hermitage, contemplate this: As you scurry back to your shell, everyone will see you for what you really are. We'll have front row seats to your so-called "toughening up". And some of us will secretly enjoy it. So go ahead and crawl back; it's easier, we've all been there. We won't judge you…to your face.

And by the way, you go about being original in the most unoriginal way. There are those that are dependent, those that strive to be independent and those that just are. Most people aren't lucky enough to just be, the majority has to strive for it. But at least the majority doesn't pretend. Who do you think you're kidding? Really. People are never as stupid as you need them to be, you of all people should know that. So keep up the facade, we'll all play along. I mean, why bother? It's not my problem.

The saddest moment was when I realized you no longer fascinated me. I'm easily amused, but at some point you simply ceased to amuse me. Hell, you became boring. I was confused. I didn't want to believe it. You were more than cheesy metaphors could ever tell. I put you on a crumbling pedestal and, like all poor investments, paid for it in the end. Was it all an illusion? Or was I right in the beginning? Am I just bitter now? Will it get better? Irrelevant questions with nothing answers. Of course I'll get better, I'm not that much of a bitch. You're not boring, just repetitive. But most defense mechanisms are (if it ain't broke don't fix it). Maybe I'm to blame. Maybe I was in over my head from the start. A majority of the world's problems are caused by a lack of reasoning. People think that the fountains of goodness, of decency, of patience are endless. They are wrong. That is a statement I will undoubtedly refute in the future, but at this point in time nothing is truer.

i never finished it...


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