Fable

Once there was a giraffe and a monkey. As far as giraffes go, she was pretty hot. Cool as shit, too. The story of how the giraffe and the monkey started hanging out is long and arduous and I'll save that for another time. But nonetheless, they were cool. They went bowling, went to see concerts, hung out on the weekends. They were in love.

Now the monkey, he was really smart. He basically knew the answer to everyone's problems. He was always right, because he was perfect. Sooo much perfection... Like really, he could do no wrong, like frickin' Jesus. And since he was so perfect, it was his job-no, his duty to convert everyone to his way of thought. For the most part he meant well, but his perfection had a curious way of getting in the way of perfection and fucking a lot of really important things up. Really though, he just wanted to make everything better. He wanted the giraffe happy and in his arms.

Did I mention he was perfect?

Now the giraffe had a really long neck. Sooo much length. That's what giraffes do. Because her neck was so long, the monkey had trouble seeing her face. This upset the monkey, because her face was beautiful no matter what twigs she had in her hair or giraffe food crumbs she had on her lip (what do giraffes eat? leaves of some sort I assume...). It was really hard for the giraffe to bend down and show the monkey her face. It involved a lot of twisting and bending and stressful, uncomfortable situations. The monkey thought it was worth it and because he knew everything always wanted to see her face.

And occasionally she would show it to him.

But a curious thing always happened. Whenever the giraffe contorted and squeezed and bent down to show the monkey her face, the monkey would accidentally kick dirt in her face. It was never on purpose, sometimes he wouldn't even realize he did it (which is weird...I thought he was perfect). But all the giraffe knew is that whenever she bent down, she got dirt kicked in her face. Why go through all that trouble, when you're just gonna get dirt kicked in your face? Besides, it's much easier to just not show your face. We all know that.

So the monkey was really stressed out now. Why did he keep kicking dirt in her face. That wasn't perfect. That was very NOT perfect. The monkey was scared he'd never get to see the giraffe's face again if he didn't stop fucking up. So the monkey thought. And thought and thought and thought.

Then he thought so more.

Nothing.

(The next few pages are missing...I couldn't find them...they'll turn up somewhere though.)

...so now we find the monkey and the giraffe laying undiscovered, making plans, sharing fears, becoming one and having nothing but endless sunshine filled days to look forward to.

That's a story to tell the kids